Prose: If Only

They sat together, staring at the empty, wide field. The sun was slowly setting, casting an orange tint over the hill they were perched upon. She pulled out a bottle of pills from her pocket. She poured half of it into his palm, and the rest into her own. 

His arms were wrapped around her tightly, and her head was on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. She poured the pills into her mouth and downed it with the water in her little bottle. He did the same. The sun had already set, and the two sat in the darkness together, embracing the serenity and silence. The stars grew brighter, watching the couple spend the last few minutes of their lives together. 

Tears welled up in her sorrowful eyes. She looked up at the boy, but he had no face. Yet, he had the perfect face. 

“I want to cut,” She whispered. 

He didn’t say anything, and he handed her her silver blade. It was blood-stained on the edge, cold and sharp as ever. She held it to her scarred wrist, pressed it down and dragged it down, drawing carmine red blood. Thirteen long streaks later, she dropped the blade onto the grass and watched the blood flow. 

He hugged her tightly, and lied her down beside him on the grass. They faced each other, staring into each other’s eyes. 

For the last time ever, he whispered into her eaer, “I love you.” 

They shut their eyes and drifted off into an eternal slumber, finally free from the heavy chains of life. 

Then, she opened her eyes. She was in her room, in her big tee. The sun was shining through her window, flooding her room with light. She blinked the sleepiness out of her eyes and realized that she had been dreaming. 

She sighed, disappointed. 

If only she had the courage to kill herself in reality. 

If only she had the courage to free herself from all the suffering and hurt. 

If only, if only, if only…






7 thoughts on “Prose: If Only

  1. You may not know me, but I know all about you (Psalm 139:1)I know when you sit and when you get up (Psalm 139:2)I know everything you do (Psalm 139:3)I even know how many hairs are on your head (Matthew 10:29-31)Because I made you to be like me (Genesis 1:27)I give you power to live, move and be who you are (Acts 17:28)For I am the one who created you (Acts 17:28)

  2. I even knew you before you were bown (Jeremiah 1:4-5)I picked you from the beginning (Ephesians 1:11-12)You are not a mistake. I planned out everyday of your life (Psalms 139:15-16)I decided when you would be born and where you would live (Acts 17:26)I am excited for how wonderful I made you (Psalm 139:14)I created you in you rmother’s tummy (Psalml 139:13)And brought you out when it was time to be bown (Psalm 71:6)Those who don’t know me have told lies about me (John 8:41-44)

  3. I am not distant and angry, but am full of love (1John 4:16)And I would like to give my love to you (1John 3:1)Simply because you are my child, and I am your Father (1 John 3:1)I give you more than your human dad ever could (Matthew 7:11)For I am the perfect dad (MAtthew 5:48)Everything good you get comes from me (JAmes 1:17)I am the one who meets all your needs (Matthew 6:31-33)I have really big plans for your future (Jeremiah 29:11)

  4. BEcause I love you with a love that lasts forever (Jeremiah 31:3)I think of you more often than there is sand on a seashore (Psalm 139:17-18)And I am so excited about you that I sing (Zephaniah 3:17)I will never stop being good to you (Jeremiah 32:40)You are my treasure (Exodus 19:5)I will take care of you with all my heart and soul (Jeremiah 32:41)And I will show you great and wonderful things (JEremiah 33:3)If you look for me with all your heart, you will find me (Deuteronomy 4:29)Get excited about me and I will give you your heart’s desire (Paslm 37:4)For I am the one who gave you those desires (Philippians 2:13)I can do more for you than you will ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20)I am your biggest cheerleader (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)

  5. I am also the dad who helps you with your problems (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)When your heart aches, I am near (Psalm 34:18)As a shepherd carries a lamb, I carry you close to me (Isiah 40:11)One day I will wipe away all your tears (revelation 21:3-4)And I’ll take away all the pain in your life (Revelation 21:3-4)I am your father, and I love you just like I love my son, Jesus (John 17;23)For in Jesus, you can see my love for you (John 17:26)When you see him, it’s like you’re looking at me (Hebrews 1:3)He came to show that I am on your side (Romans 8:31)And to tell you I am not keeping track of your sins (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

  6. Jesus died so that you and I could be together (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)His death was the best way to show you my love (1 John 4:10)I gave all thatI loved so you could love me back (Romans 8:31-32)If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me (1John 2:23)And nothing will ever stand in the way of my love for you (Romans 8:38-39)Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen (Luke15:7)I have always been a father to my family in heavern and on earth (Ephesians 3:14-15)My question is, will you be my child (John 1:12-13)I am waiting for you (Luke 15:11-32)Love, Your Dad,Almighty God

  7. Hi Claire,Just to let you know that God has written you a letter, and He loves you!! Noone can love you as much as Him, even when nobody cares, He cares. EVen when nobody is there, He is there. He LOVES YOU. HE is THERE, in YOUR HEART. You don’t need to look any further, because THERE HE IS.


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